I think I have found a way to lose weight

The Purina Diet

I used to have a Labrador Retriever and one day I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and standing in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog...

On impulse, I told her no, that I was just starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But I had lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both my arms.

I told her that it was a nearly perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete. So I was going to try it again, despite the hospital stay.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was listening closely to my story, particularly a tall, black man who was standing behind the woman. Horrified by the mention of a hospital, the woman asked if I had been poisoned by the dog food.

I told her no, that I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

I thought the black guy was going to stagger going out the door!