Some creative writing

I will call it: The Professor, ramblings, thoughts, stories and other such nonsense delivered in a soda pop induced haze.
Entry number 1. The old ex-lover.
I have a date with death and it is all my fault. Just like Pandora could not leave that box alone, I could not leave my wife's past alone. Living in the shadow of a legend can be very hard on a fellow, even if I did win the girl, I knew in the back of my mind that just like Godzilla never really dies, neither had Dixie Daw. Dorothy*, my wife loved him deeply; who wouldn't love him. Even I loved him in a strictly platonic male sort of way. In secret, I followed his movements around the country. Always making sure my prize, Dorothy* was far away from him and safe. Then one day the most horrible thing happened, I found Dixie Daw's secret writings, the place where he bares his soul. I was shocked, crippled, speechless, utterly stricken when I read that all of his secret writings were dedicated not to his wife, Wendy, but to my beloved wife, Dorothy*. I had to know what was going on here. Did the handsome and popular Dixie Daw still have designs on my wife, Wendy*? After weeks, even months of stewing about this, I crafted a plan to find out more. I would email Dixie Daw and ask him. I tried to be coy in my email pretending that the world is full of mild mannered English majors who are married to Dorothy*. My honest heart betrayed me and I was forced to confess all to the now much older and fatter Dixie Daw. Dixie was a terrible liar and though he swore up and down that he no longer felt so much as a twang for Dorothy*, I knew he did. This knowledge has driven me mad over the last year and I have slowly come to the realization that Dixie must die. Now, it's a well known fact that you (the rhetorical you) can't kill Dixie Daw. No one can kill Dixie Daw, he's immoral...er...immortal. And that is how I know I have date with death, for sure as the sun comes up, I have to fight Dixie, I have to fight him with my bare hands. It will be, a fight to the death. Dixie will win, he will kill me, this I know, so the bible tells me so. Unless, I bring a gun...
*the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Entry number 2. My good friend Dixie.
I am a real fashionista, I love to look really good. I was shopping for some shoes the other day.....