The twenties

My grandma recently passed. There were hundreds at the funeral. Nearly all of those attending where either her direct descendants or friends of her descendants. Grandma was never rich, she didn’t ever own her own home, she never traveled extensively or had nice things. She was a nothing in the eyes of the world. Yet, to be at that funeral, to know my grandma and her family you would know that she was rich indeed. She was a widow for 37 years but never alone. Through two moves, several illnesses and fractures there was always family and loved ones there with her. We all made sure grandma never went wanting. In the last months of her life as her 95 year old heart was giving up, we were all there by her side. When the end came, Grandma passed peacefully on with family by her side.

There is a person who lives in Chicago. I know her from the internet. I read her blog and follow her life. I read the other day some of her posts as they related to the postings of a young woman at Yale who is working to become a doctor. The young doctor to-be despaired a bit because her friends have run off to South America and Scotland, leaving life and responsibility behind. Agent99 (the doctor to-be) is sad and wondering if she is doing the right thing to stay and do the hard things while her friends, and even the rest of the twenty-something crowd runs off and does what feels good. Cheryl, the woman in Chicago, advised agent99 that perhaps her friends had it right, that is is wrong to be toiling away working toward that career, house, spouse, SUV and 2.5 kids. Cheryl is in her thirties and has none of those things. She is free. She travels all over. Works when she wants. Does what she wants. Cheryl has lived the life Agent99’s friends are off to living. Cheryl recommends this choice highly.

Sometimes I get jealous of Cheryl. I wish I could have spent my twenties traveling the world instead of toiling away to get and eduction and raise a family. Instead I spent my twenties toiling away for that mini-van, house and, in my case, five children. What a loser am I? I have never been to Israel, ridden a camel, driven route 66, been to Manchu pichu or lived the wild life in Chicago. I, like my grandma am poor.

My grandma has a sister, Hayes. We always called her aunt Hayes, even though she was actually a great aunt. Aunt Hayes always had a lot of money. She married in her thirties and never had time for children. She had a successful career and a lovely house. Hayes’ husband passed before I was born and Hayes always lived alone in her big house. Hayes is very old now and needs a lot of help. Help taking care of the house, help getting around, help with her meals and medicines. Mostly, Hayes needs companionship. Grandmas family would help Hayes as they had time and were able. Hayes always had everything grandma never did and sometimes it made Grandma sad. In the 90’s Hayes finally needed more than the family could give and Hayes got bitter. She hired out all the things she needed done. Now, Hayes is broke. Her house is run down and there is no money to fix it. She spends all her income to hire someone to come over and clean the house and make her meals. These hired helpers never work for her for very long. Usually she fires them after she discovers them stealing from her or they quit because it just does not pay enough. Sadly, Hayes will die poor and alone.

I turned 40 last November. My oldest is 16 my youngest is 8. Life is great. I am in a position now in my career where I don’t worry so much about money. I don’t worry about time away from the family because I really don’t ever have to work more than 40 hours a week. When I turn 50 my youngest will be 18 and for the most part the kids will be grown and off living their own lives. Perhaps then, Sue and I will travel. We will see Manchu Pichu, drive route 66, ride a camel, travel to Israel and then come home and spend time with our kids and our grand children. We will always have them and the time to do so many other things too.

So, were my twenties wasted? I don’t think so. I think too many kids these days have it all wrong. The twenties are not a time to spend but a time to save. I feel secure knowing that as I grow old, I too can become as rich as Grandma was.